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Anxiety, Procrastinating and Perfectionism

I'm an INFJ. When I took the MBTI test for this and got my results, I felt so... understood. I felt much more secure in who I am and my preferences. I've always thought nobody could fully understand how I work but here we are. But I also found a sort of peace with myself. I'm a human being. I'm complex. And although this test was pretty accurate in describing me, it's still not all of me, and that's okay.


I've always known I'm a perfectionist. I want things done in the right way, at all times. If there's something I must do, I do it with utmost care and precision. If not, I'm not going to do it. That is why I procrastinate. Back then, it was so confusing and frustrating whenever I find myself procrastinating. If I'm a perfectionist, I should do everything asked of me with the right amount of time and never a second late, better if done early. So why do I procrastinate? It was the complete opposite. But when I read about why I procrastinate according to my MBTI, suddenly everything clicked. It made sense. I procrastinate because I'm a perfectionist. If I know I won't be able to do it properly and perfectly, I put off doing it until I know I can do it. Or until I don't have much time.


Add to that the fact that I'm an anxious person. I think as a perfectionist, it comes with the territory. That's why as I grew older, and more expectations and pressure is put upon me (and therefore, pressure I put upon myself) it only got worse. I always want to show and do my best. But then I decided to stop caring; or tried to stop caring but it only worsened my anxiety. I've developed the habit of picking at the sides of my nails and most of the time, making myself bleed. And I still do it.


Those three, my procrastination, anxiety and perfectionism are something I'm still and will always be working on. I'm still trying to find the right balance and the way to monitor them because I know I won't ever be able to get rid of them. I have accepted that those are parts of my personality, I know I will always have no matter what, and they're not always negative aspects to have.

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